Can Couples Therapy Help Your Relationship?

Relationships can be challenging, but couples therapy is a wonderful tool that can offer you and your partner the support, skills and guidance necessary to navigate obstacles and improve relationship satisfaction.

Some Common Reasons To Go To Couples Counseling

People go to couples counseling for a variety of reasons. Here are some examples:

• Unhealthy, unsupportive and/or ineffective communication between partners. How one feels in a relationship is greatly influenced by how well the other partner communicates with him/her. Are both partners communicating and listening to each other? Is there a level of mutual respect and support for the other? Is this demonstrated consistently?
• Lack of problem-solving skills. Most of us do the best we can when addressing problems, but many of us don’t know where to begin and become stuck. What if our parents weren’t the best role models and constantly fought throughout our childhood or avoided conflict altogether? How would we know the best way to deal with issues as they arise without some new skills?
• Diminished connection and intimacy. After some time, relationships can transition from deeply passionate and lose some of its previous spark, which can be completely normal. However, if both partners seem like two ships passing in the night, couples therapy can address ways to reignite the passion and connection in the relationship.
• One or both partners have had or have considered having an affair. People don’t typically have affairs if they are in a healthy relationship. All of the above can contribute to one or both partners’ interest in looking outside of the relationship.

When you are dealing with difficulties in your relationship, it can be hard to know exactly what to do about it. Certainly, the difficulties alone can be troubling enough without the fear, helplessness or inadequacy of not being able to resolve them. Each person reacts differently to these challenges. Some have an urge to run and others feel the need to work exhaustively at solving the problem, even if they are running into a brick wall. The whole process can be incredibly overwhelming to the point that make many people consider giving up on the relationship.

A common fear about going to couple’s therapy is that the therapist might lay blame on one partner and show favoritism toward the other. If that were true, no one would go to couples counseling. Thankfully, this is not the case.

The Reality Of Couples Therapy

The truth is that in couple’s therapy, the aim of the therapist is not to take sides, but to view the couple as a unit, and to enhance the functioning of that unit.  Yes, there may be things that one partner is doing to aggravate the other. There are also likely things that one partner is doing to frustrate and hurt the other, maybe unintentionally, and maybe even deliberately.  The idea is to learn how to stop doing those things that wound each other, and begin finding ways to support each other. Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. John Gottman’s research teaches us that it’s how we fight that determines success or failure in relationships. It takes commitment and a coordinated team effort toward a common goal, and it is possible to overcome even the biggest relationship obstacles, including infidelity.

Don’t Wait Too Long To Go To Couples Counseling

Many couples wait until their relationships are ending to go to a therapist with the unconscious (or conscious) intention that the therapist can provide them with confirmation that the relationship is doomed. Preventative care is important not only in physical health, but in mental health and relationship health as well. If you think your relationship needs improvement, contact me or another local couples therapist today.

Take good care,

Dan