Men’s Mental Health: Boys Do Cry
Men’s Mental Health: Boys Do Cry
How many times have you personally witnessed a father telling their son to “man up” or “quit crying” when they are visibly upset? Perhaps you’ve seen a young man be ridiculed or bullied for crying or expressing difficult emotions. Some of you reading this have experienced this in your own lives. While some progress has been made, thanks to harmful societal norms, men and boys in our culture still have a long way to go in the area of emotional expression. Changing our norms starts with understanding and acknowledging the problem.
The Numbers Tell A Sad Story
Did you know that while over 6 million men suffer from depression per year, male depression often goes underdiagnosed. Or that more than 3 million American men have panic disorder, agoraphobia, or other phobias? Men are more than four times as likely to die by suicide than women. The real kicker: according to Mental Health America, nearly 1 in 10 men experience depression or anxiety but less than half will receive treatment. They are suffering in silence. Boys and men, in fact, do cry – and they need help.
The Stigma Around Men’s Mental Health
Traditionally, it has been expected or assumed that men are naturally stoic, resilient, emotionally reserved, and shouldn’t cry or deal with waves of emotion. Popular phrases like “man up” or “boys don’t cry” have led to the belief that men’s feelings need to be bottled up, tossed aside, and ignored. Due to these dangerous expectations and beliefs, men are less likely to seek help for mental health issues, or even to admit when they are anxious, depressed, or feeling unsteady. The consequences of this silence cannot be understated.
Emotional repression and detachment is very harmful for any human, no matter what gender. In addition to being conditioned as a child through societal norms to set feelings aside or pretend they don’t exist, teen and adult males can also experience pressure to hide mental health concerns. People can fear judgment or being looked down on by others for experiencing depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other psychological challenges. As adults, professionals can fear that their jobs would be at risk if their colleagues or supervisors were aware of their suffering. They may even hide their mental health issues with a potential romantic partner for fear of being rejected.
Hesitance To Ask For Help
Historically, discussions about mental health among males have been shrouded in silence, causing harm to boys and men struggling with mental health issues and those who care about them. From a young age, many boys have been told to ignore their feelings. Many have been conditioned to try to shut it off, “tough it out,” detach themselves from it, and act as if they are fine. If expressing an emotion feels like too much, certainly asking for help will feel like a very big risk.
Not Recognizing Or Understanding Emotions
For boys and men who have never learned to notice, identify, and process feelings, it can be extremely difficult to even recognize or understand them. Therapy can be very helpful in this area. However, if they are unaware that they are suppressing emotions, they may never ask for help, even if they aren’t particularly afraid to ask for it. A lack of self-awareness and healthy coping mechanisms for managing challenging emotions can lead to unhealthy ways of coping, such as substance abuse or other forms of self-harm.
How We Can Help Break Down Barriers For Boys’ & Men’s Mental Health
- Lead By Example. One way to help reduce the stigma is to openly share emotions. The more any of us, no matter what gender, share our emotions and our vulnerabilities with others, the more we can normalize these important conversations. By being candid in conversation, you can help normalize conversations around the topic of men’s mental health, helping them realize that it is okay to seek help without fear of judgment or feeling like “less of a man.”
- Gently Show Support. If someone in your life is struggling and hasn’t gotten help, make an effort to share your care and concern. Share our own experiences with similar struggles, if possible, and let them know that you are a safe space to listen, without judgment. If you see a boy or man in your life crying, show them care and let them know that crying is healthy and perfectly ok.
- Widespread Mental Health Education. By raising awareness about men’s mental health in schools, workplaces, community organizations, and more, you can be a catalyst of change in the men’s mental health crisis. Helpful resources that provide information on emotional intelligence, self-awareness, stress management and more can help those in need understand and address their concerns. The goal here is to help foster a culture that helps men be the best they can be physically, mentally, and emotionally.
- Lean On Support Networks. While individual efforts to address men’s mental health are crucial, the power of support networks cannot be overstated. As humans, we are hardwired to connect. Some of the most powerful healing happens in groups. A robust support network can offer emotional support, practical advice, and a sense of belonging. Friends and family can create a safe space for boys and men to express their feelings without fear of judgment. Encouraging men to share their struggles and seek advice from trusted individuals can significantly reduce feelings of isolation. Mental health professionals are another key component of these networks. Therapists, counselors, and psychiatrists provide professional guidance and treatment options that can be tailored to an individual’s specific needs. Initiatives like peer support groups and community programs also offer men the opportunity to connect with others facing similar challenges, fostering a sense of community and mutual support. Nashville Psych offers Interpersonal Process Groups for individuals to gain self-awareness and improve relationships.
We’ve Come A Long Way But Our Work Is Not Over
Over the last few decades, we have opened the door to more conversations around mental health. By more specifically addressing boys’ and men’s mental health, we can reduce the stigma and provide healing to those in need.
If you or someone you know could benefit from a little extra support, we are here for you. We invite you to reach out to our client care team at (615) 582-2882 or clientcare@nashvillepsych.com. If we aren’t a fit, we will kindly refer you to another resource in our community or beyond.